Stay Cosmic and Snarky: 4 June Horoscopes

By AstroSnark – Where planetary drama meets people-watching with a telescope

Congratulations, you've made it to June 4, 2025, where the planet is sizzling, the Moon is moody, and Saturn’s having an emotional breakdown in Pisces (again). If you were hoping for stability, too bad: Mercury’s still hyper in Gemini, so good luck keeping your thoughts in a straight line. Venus is trining Pluto like a Gossip Girl subplot, expect secrets to spill, kisses to sting, and your inbox to fill with messages from exes who “just had a dream about you.”

Meanwhile, back on your overheating planet, scientists say we’re definitely on track to toast past the 1.5°C limit. (Yay, global slow-roasting!) But don’t worry, NASA is prepping its Artemis II Moon mission, because when the going gets hot, the hot get lunar.

The festival season is kicking off and Glastonbury’s lineup dropped, and it’s got more range than a Mercury-in-Gemini monologue. Olivia Rodrigo will cry-sing us into catharsis, Neil Young will remind us we’re old, and The 1975 will dance on the ashes of indie credibility.

Curious about what the cosmic blender has in store for your sign today? Let’s find out...

Birthday Snark & Cosmic Wisdom…or Roast!

Angelina Jolie (June 4, 1975)

“If I make a fool of myself, who cares? I'm not frightened by anyone's perception of me.”

Ah yes, a Gemini who turned being perceived as “a bit much” into a full-blown lifestyle brand. Actress, activist, ex-wife of multiple Brad Pitts, and a walking plot twist. Whether she's adopting a continent or drop-kicking bad guys in couture, Angelina's whole existence screams: Why be normal when you could be a global enigma in black eyeliner?

Happy birthday to the Geminis born today, may your eyeliner never smudge, your comebacks always land, and your midlife reinvention include at least one philanthropic mic drop.

🔥 Fire Signs (Aries, Leo, Sagittarius)

Aries (Mar 21–Apr 19): Mars in Leo has you bursting with energy and just enough delusion to think you can solve the climate crisis by yelling at your houseplants. Channel that fire into activism, not burnout, especially with Venus trine Pluto tempting you to text your ex "for closure" (spoiler: it’s not closure, it’s chaos).

Leo (Jul 23–Aug 22): You're radiating main character energy, Leo, and honestly, the Artemis II mission should consider you for emotional propulsion alone. But with Mercury in Gemini stirring up drama in your DMs, make sure your roar isn't just a cry for attention. Use your spotlight wisely or at least wear sunscreen while basking in it.

Sagittarius (Nov 22–Dec 21): You’re vibrating on Glastonbury frequency; wild, euphoric, and with a sense of direction that screams “I can’t be lost, I’ve never known where I was.” Saturn retrograde wants soul-searching, but you’d rather cannonball into the abyss with nothing but a half-charged phone and yet another tattoo idea name Mum. Maybe locate your dignity before you name it your next great journey.

🌱 Earth Signs (Taurus, Virgo, Capricorn)

Taurus (Apr 20–May 20): You want comfort, Taurus, but the planet is literally on fire, so maybe hold off on that £300 pair of trainers and invest in a portable air conditioner instead. With Venus trine Pluto, your senses are heightened, yes, the farmer’s market artisanal bread is flirting with you. Just don’t confuse indulgence with escapism… again.

Virgo (Aug 23–Sep 22): The 1.5°C climate target is slipping, and so is your grip on the idea that you alone can fix everything. Mercury in Gemini has you obsessing over details no one else notices, like the alignment of your shoe rack or the fact that NASA's Artemis II launch schedule isn’t “efficient.” Breathe, Virgo. The universe is not ISO certified.

Capricorn (Dec 22–Jan 19): While Saturn retrograde is dragging your inner authority figure into therapy, you're eyeing lunar property like it’s a retirement plan. You’d love to escape Earth’s chaos, but obviously there’s no WiFi on the Moon yet, and your control issues can’t survive without at least 5G. Set your goals, yes, but maybe focus on conquering earthly things like the goat that you are before dabbling in interplanetary real estate?

🌬 Air Signs (Gemini, Libra, Aquarius)

Gemini (May 21–Jun 20): Mercury in your sign has you moving at the speed of gossip, and absolutely none of it is productive. You’re juggling five conversations, three group chats, and an internal monologue that sounds like a Glastonbury afterparty at 4am. Slow down, Gemini. Even you need to breathe between witty comebacks and questionable life choices.

Libra (Sep 23–Oct 22): You’re trying to balance your social calendar, your mental health, and the existential horror of climate collapse like a Cirque du Soleil act on a tightrope made of passive-aggressive texts. Venus trine Pluto has people confessing things to you they really shouldn’t. Smile, nod, and emotionally detach like the diplomatic queen you are.

Aquarius (Jan 20–Feb 18): You're out here defending AI ethics while your actual houseplants are dying of neglect. States are revolting against federal AI moratoriums, and you’re revolting against your alarm clock. Mercury in Gemini says talk big, but Saturn retrograde wants receipts. Ground your genius in reality or at least water your plants.

🌊 Water Signs (Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces)

Cancer (Jun 21–Jul 22): You're feeling the Venus–Pluto vibes like a breakup playlist at full volume, and Saturn retrograde in your fellow water sign isn’t helping. You’re spiralling about climate change, Glastonbury set times, and that one friend who still hasn’t texted back from April. Breathe, Cancer. You can’t fix the world with a scented candle, but it’s a start.

Scorpio (Oct 23–Nov 21): You’re keeping secrets, Scorpio, but Venus trine Pluto means the truth wants out like it’s headlining a confessional tour. Be careful what you unleash. The world’s already overheated; we don’t need your revenge plot boiling over. Strategize, simmer, and maybe delete that tweet drafted in rage and fuelled by red wine and other substances.

Pisces (Feb 19–Mar 20): You're so tuned into the emotional frequency of the planet, you probably cried when they announced the Glastonbury lineup. (It's okay, we all did.) Saturn retrograde says it’s time to adult, but you’d rather daydream about lunar communes and weep into a compostable cup. Pick one tiny task, Pisces. Complete it. Then go full water sign and romanticize the hell out of it.

Where We Got Our Galactic Gossip (aka, the news):

🌡️ Global Climate Threshold Expected to Be Breached
☀️ The Earth is preheating like it’s about to roast a holiday turkey, and humanity’s still debating whether the oven’s even on.

🧠 States Rebel Against AI Regulation Moratorium
🤖 While Congress naps, state lawmakers are saying, “Fine, we’ll do it ourselves,” like it’s a grassroots Avengers sequel starring nervous tech bros.

📉 No Country on Track for 1.5°C Goal
🌍 Group project energy: everyone’s failing and somehow still blaming Greta.

🌕 NASA’s Artemis II Moon Mission Ramps Up
🚀 Humanity: setting foot on the Moon again. Also humanity: can’t figure out recycling bins. Baby steps, I guess.

🎸 Glastonbury 2025 Lineup Drops
🎤 A lineup so chaotic it could only be curated during a Mercury–Pluto brainstorm session. Get your wellies and your emotional baggage ready.

That’s it for your June 4 download from the stars, equal parts existential crisis and glitter cannon. The planets are messy, our planet is melting, and you're out here trying to decide if it's your gut instinct or just Mercury in Gemini whispering bad ideas again.

So hydrate, wear SPF 9000, and maybe don't text that Scorpio after 11pm. The Moon will judge you. I will too.

Try not to get emotionally attached to any retrogrades, until Sunday!

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